Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
