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i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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