Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
