there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
