I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
