Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my shit smells like andre
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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