I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
