gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
