I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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