drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
