People in love make me want to vomit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
