dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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