If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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