I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
