when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
