If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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