It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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