Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
