Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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