it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
