we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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