Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
