I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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