Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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