I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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