Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Someone shit on the floor
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
