guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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