i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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