your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
