i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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