and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
