Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
