Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
