I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
