I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
