You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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