I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
