He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
