I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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