I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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