The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
