perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
