she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
