i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
