And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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