You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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