i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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