i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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