The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He passed out mid-signature
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
