how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
